This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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