I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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