There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
