she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
