uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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