i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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