my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
