totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
