____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
