whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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