Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
