I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it hurts more in the daytime
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
