Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
