Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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