Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
