dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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