some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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