he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
