I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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