That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just google imaged poop.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
