Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
