Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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