Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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