When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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