So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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