It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
