Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
