ugly people sure do ruin things
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
