That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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