i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
