I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
