My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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