Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
