It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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