I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
