There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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