So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
