i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
