My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
