Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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