Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
