Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
