R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
