ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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