the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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