So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
