I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i think my cat just said my name.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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