first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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