Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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