Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
