They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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