it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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